Recently, I sat with Timo in the eating of ice cream in the ice cream parlor and was inadvertently eavesdropper of a conversation between 4 young people. I don't remember the exact wording, but 3 of the kids told each other that the parents are living apart. That hit me but really deep, because I had to experience even a separation of the parental home. The kids talked about pretty loosely and made a relatively carefree impression. The "normal state" it seemed almost, the condition of "separated living parents" would be.
Also, the separation of our neighbors, which Sohn a year is younger than Timo has intellectually engaged and moved to write this article.
I myself remember well what it was like at that time. Before the separation of my parents, the idea that both more together form a "unit" was so unbearable that I stood a couple of times in the bathroom and quietly have geschluchzt in a towel, and that even though I was only thinking, like that probably would be (I think I was like 9 or 10). Maybe I perceived something in the subconscious, but does not classify can, who knows.
Breaking even, I was already older, I would say 14 or 15. So just I can not more time arrange that, because I like remember not so much at this time. Fact is, it was sudden and it felt like I had lost a parent. The one that does not prejudice is probably relatively clear. At that time, I was chucked that I've repressed all probably until my mind was "ripe" to classify and process this "loss" but in school and hobbies. And then again there was a rapprochement and I would even say that I now have a good relationship with both parents.
And that's where the rub. My innermost desire is to have a harmonious environment. It is difficult but more than if the parents communicate even more with each other. Clearly a lot of breakage is gone after such a long time of living together, but the aftermath of the separation has now arrived at "Decades". The are adult people then no longer a "good day" or "have you heard of the children" can wrest from is beyond me. And the fact that (and not just in our case) is said always makes me really mad then: "Let us separation not on the shoulders of the children carry out". Namely, the truth looks that these breakers even on the back of the grandchildren are held.
We try Yes as I said, to make always all right and have therefore for example so long allowed to marry because we us very hard did with the invitations to the Festival. From point of view of children, there are still both parents despite of all strife and on the most important day in the life (what should be yes a wedding), you want to have also both parents. And this goes on then with the birthdays of children. Who should celebrate birthday on a day and not several weekends in a row. The planning of the birthdays has headache really me, until I then came to the conclusion, that's Yes as "Child" isn't my job, to make sure that everyone is happy and if possible don't have to see the other. I'll make it so in future, all are invited, and who then is there, and who's not, not. It hurts but then in the place in the heart, when my children would have to suffer. The grandparents due to the distance you see Yes now already very rare and on birthdays it is yes then even more if a grandparent is missing.
I would just, that the communication on a "normal" level is resumed so that you simply can't deny himself, how and when you would like to participate because "Family events".
This expectation applies not only for my family. In divorces, and the introductory words Yes, that that very often occur, the parents should always tries his talking to each other. It is clear, that it also can come in relations to a point, that it no longer goes on, but you gotta go to the children and grandchildren because still "normal" with each other can talk or use any force on it, that to do.
This can only work if the marriage on the basis of marital problems in the quarries. If there is violence in the game in the relationship, then it is also clear that you want to speak with the person who no longer practices this for me. Then, a quick end of the relationship is probably the "healthiest", even if it means that there is no rapprochement after the phase of "perceived loss".
I'll me definitely trying my marriage most run to keep. However, it is also clear that one should say "never". I'm wary of me so to say, so a divorce will "never" happen to me. I'm going but if the case should occur every effort put that our children always to us have both the same contact and the same confidence. The first step is the communication, which by the way is also the first step in my opinion, to solve relationship problems. 🙂
I hope that I have any of my family "on your feet" with the article (but, I have clarified my views already often enough even so in talks). And I hope that as many as possible, remember this article and before eyes run that separation, if children are involved, is not "Ich" matter, if they end up in the situation, and only through a "sensible" approach with the "ex-partner" can prevent the "on the backs of the children carry out".
I can only advise the affected children: when you realize that your parents want to take you on a page and you feel so uncomfortable, it says loud and clear. The duty of all parents is to provide a harmonious environment children and ends with a separation. With me, it took many years and own young to front to lead me.
Looking back, and that is, as already mentioned, several decades ago, not regret I actually I can say today by me, that I am a "divorce child". On the contrary, I think the separation I've grown up much faster than on "normal" way. And now I'm anyone more evil, for that is what been going on and how it went. I have just completed with the adventures and experiences, learned to forgive and am very satisfied with the relationship with my parents (the feeling that they are always there for me you give me even as an adult).